Wednesday, December 02, 2009


accurate. thorough; complete; utter: perfect strangers. pure or unmixed. expert; accomplished; proficient. These are the words you find when you dictionary google the word perfect. Not a surprise I would guess, we all know the word perfect.

Did I tell you I hate the word perfect? I do.

People have called me this since I was very small. I didn't ask for this label. I was a kid who didn't like to get dirty, who didn't like the way grass felt, who preferred to listen to commercials and draw pictures than cause trouble with the neighbor girls. I had moments of the trouble, don't get me wrong but they were small infractions compared to others I guess. I was also a kid who did her homework at recess. I read books during the summer and did practice book reports. The label weird kid is more apt don't you think? I don't know what it was I just wanted to be good. Unless somebody pissed me off then I wanted to ruin them but that's another tale.

In my 30's after my life fell apart with my divorce I realized that this perfection thing was a lot of f*ing hard work with not the best in returns and I decided to let it go. The idea of perfection is wonderful, but to attempt to live in that space is horrible. I still fight it a good deal. The not wanting to fail thing. It's a giant struggle of mine to be ok with failure.

I find that my outside person doesn't display this as well and this title still follows me around and appears when I'm least expecting it. Such as Thanksgiving with friends and someone pulled out a game.

did I tell you I don't do games? I don't.

The reason I don't do games is that I'm not very good at them. I don't know the answers quickly ever, I can't add to save my life, and lord help me if you ask me to spell something. I reluctantly played the game [and blatantly cheated I might add] and my friend yelled at the table "oh my gawd she's not perfect!"and what I wanted to scream was "I'm not perfect. please don't call me that". It's what I want to say any time someone uses that word directed at me.

If I might, will you just indulge me in a moment of non-perfect barfing? here are just some of my many short falls: I leave water glasses all over my house. At any one time there are 2-4 in my bedroom alone. I leave my laundry in the dryer for as long as I can. My poor roomie is left to schelp my undies out to the couch a number of times a month. I use to be organized but my desk looks like a hurricane set down. My car looks like a homeless person lives in it, wrappers clothes etc. it's a sad state. I hate cleaning out the fridge - as you might guess there are science projects growning as we speak. Lastly, because I don't want to bore you but I just unloaded my dishwasher for the first time in oh... 6 months. I just left the dishes in because I didn't want to unload them.

wooah. monumental right? not very exciting I know, but it makes me feel better, just knowing, that you know, that I'm not perfect.

the photos? they are perfection via my friend Gyslain Yarhi He's a French photographer don't you know? The French, they are perfect, that I'm sure of.

1 comment:

{t}ruffle said...

i liked this one very much...and i won't call you perfect. ever.

{even though i find you to be exactly that.}