Everyone should pop over to read Andrea from Super Hero Designs if you have a moment first post titled "a formal apology" the second titled "thank you". She has a funny knack for posting themes that I've been battling with. She calls them gremlins I call them the yucks. I know I'm not the only one which is reason I'm sharing it now. Hopefully we all can remember to be kind to ourselves during these slots of time.
This summer has been difficult for me personally. I know everyone goes through this so it feels ridiculous to talk about. I feel like I'm complaining about a very good life I have. I have everything I need and more, yet it's still not good enough which becomes I'm not good enough...see where I'm going with this? I won't go into the gorey details but essentially I feel like the grossest, ugliest, most giant loser that has walked the planet for a few months now. I'm starting to pull myself out of it but it's been a long summer of feeling shitty.
I know the sources and it annoys me even more that I know it and have not been able to change the thought process [ though I am moving out of it slowly] I have battled these bouts of depression most of my adult life. As a young adult I wasn't self aware enough to know what they were, I would just spend a lot of time being really quiet and not talking to friends or family about it. Which of course is the worse thing you can do to clam up about it. I've done years of therapy folks, I know the drill.
As women we have a lot of pressure on us mostly self-inflicted but I think we all fall into areas of this, or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better by thinking that?
The one difference between myself and Andrea is she wants to say sorry outwardly...and I just direct all the ugly, nasty thoughts upon myself filling myself up with more and more yuck until I explode. "The man" got the full monty last weekend with the devil spewing from my mouth so loud and fast that I'm sure that he thought I was Linda Blair. I'm not that person...it happens so infrequently that when it does it's as much a surprise to me as it is to the person in my path. I formally apologized of course. Then I hated myself even more.
I'm on the path of more rest, more excersize, more me time which is part of the issue at hand. I feel like I'm slowly clawing myself out of the slippery walled pyrex bucket that I've put myself into. It's all of my making...and I've made a whole lot let me tell you.
So dear readers...anyone get the yucks and how do you get yourself out?