Monday, April 09, 2012


did I tell you I started back to yoga? I did a couple weeks ago. I was trying to remember when I stopped my very regular practice and I think it was about the same time that my ex told me I had a fat ass and I hired a personal trainer to get "skinny". Guess what? I was a size 6-8 at that time and very fit. It's OK he has a bit of turrets, he has since apologized and I forgave.

I started up with that personal trainer and I got all sideways. I got a little skinnier, yes. I think it was the spinning.. but then? then, I injured myself and I stopped yoga to "work out". my back acted up and then I got my anxiety issues back and all the while I kept going after being skinny instead of healthy and focused like I was before I started the whole mess. At the height of my practice I was studying 5-6 days a week. I could do one teeny-tiny thing shown in this video [crane pose where she balances knees on the backs of her arms] to be a yogi of her caliber takes years, and day-in-day-out dedication.

what my yoga looks like now IS.NOTHING.CLOSE.TO.ANYTHING.
LIKE.THIS and that's OK. It's why it's called a practice. Some days look better than others. It will be a while before it looks even pretty again.

Have you ever practiced yoga for an extended period of time? It changes you in ways you never expect. It centers you, it releases emotional garbage you never knew you had. For me, it put me in touch with God really. I know this to my core and still it took me 8 years and many injuries to come back to it. Generally in class, an instructor will ask you to find an intention for class and repeat it as many times as you wish to yourself. I went back to class even though I did not want to be there at 6am. I went back and asked the universe to help me love it again PLEASE. I have been asking every day for that, most importantly at 5:30 when I have to get up for class. I can tell you that I bargain a lot in my head at 5:30 am and I'm pretty angry about all of it: yoga, being awake, myself. Of course I take it out on the instructors barking at them when they come by to adjust me [poor women have no idea] they are kind enough to let me and my ego do what it needs to do.

I don't love it yet, but I'm getting there. I'm at 2 days a week right now till I can get stronger and move into a couple more days. I'm looking forward to loving it again.

side note? there is a woman in the unmade bed behind the yogi. How do I know this? she's an acquaintance of mine and was booked for the commercial. I still don't understand why her part was necessary and was equinox trying to say they were down with lesbian yogis? maybe that's why she was essentially cut from the commercial I'm glad my friend got paid to sleep though.

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