Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Dear Holidays...

Dear Holidays,

Thank gawd you are over, I mean you're fun and all but I really can't take any more of you. The traveling is one thing and it's entire own monster but the food! The past two years I knew you were coming and I know you're a sneaky bastard so I started counting my Weight Watcher points in October to fend you off. Like always I became obsessed with the 2 points in a friggin' apple or beat myself up each week when I lost .257 lbs but I held you in a tight headlock for 3 months.

This year though you kicked my ass. Actually, you smeared yourself all over my ass and my hips, not to mention my stomach which has taken on a life of it's own lately. It started at Thanksgiving and slid into my photoshoot which should be called a "carb shoot" because all you do is eat little muffins and donuts and shove sugar in every second you're not running. Then a dinner party or two which involved wine pairings and french food with mounds of lovely butter, than on to Mom's house and homemade fudge and See's Candy which seems to pour out of every house and crevice, then without rest a bottle of champagne on New Year's Eve and if that wasn't enough you bastard, you followed me again across country to Boston where you showed up as homemade pasta sauce, multiple choices of cheese and bread, homemade mac and cheese and risotto that I could have rolled around and bathed in, not to mention the glass or two of wine seemingly at every course.

I am done with you and the skin that itches as it stretches outward! You think you've won but I've pulled out the trusty book. You know the one, the three week cleanse that we usually do in April? Well, you get two doses of it this year my friend! Three weeks of so many fruits and veggies and organic broth that you'll be beaten to a frenzied pulp by the time I'm done with you. The most exciting part of your day will be your carrot juice you 10lb bastard!

So take that you gawd- darn tasty, butter-ladden-carb-monster! See how you like yourself after that little tryst.


flow said...

haha.. i love this post :)
you took the words right out of my mouth since i'm currently on detox! lol

jenn lee~

Gee said...


SGM said...

Love this too, esp the visuals: fudge streaming from every crevice and rolling around in mac and cheese. Mmmmmm.