Monday, May 14, 2007

cupcake overload weekend

I reused my magnolia photo for this but it has been a cupcake overload weekend. Friends brought a couple dozen very expensive little nuggets over to a dinner party we had on saturday night for an early birthday celebration. Of course I ate 4 in a 2 day period. ugggh.

Thus far I have avoided my normal b-day depression that usually begins about Jan 3rd when I realize my birthday is looming, somehow this year it forgot to torment me for months on end but I feel it creeping in this week. As a favorite writer describes her depression...'it's like an old friend that flanks your side just when you thought it had gone away-it walks next to you reminding you what giant loser you are, it whispers in your ear when you're not looking just to see if you'll allow him in'.

What if I ignore it- if I pretend that I'm not listening to it? Like the homeless that I walk away from when they are begging for change on the street...[I always feel bad doing that] What would happen if I refuse to believe the horrible things the voice has to say to me? Perhaps that is the way to view it-it is the devil trying to creep into your mind and your heart. I'm doing karate chops this week to it... I'm not going down without a good fight. I'm not allowing a mear number to decide for me how I feel or decide my destiny [it's mostly about having children], I know that I'm stronger and bigger than something like that. I'll let you know who wins the wrestling match, my bets are high for myself at the moment.

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