Seriously? I cannot believe I have these tales to tell. I am a quiet person, I'm not a party girl, I stay home I work, I go to yoga...
I know you're thinking right now why does she have a picture of Philip Seymore Hoffman on her blog? Stay with me on this, it's one of the Oh Shit Richie Stories I promise.
Today I saw a girlfriend, at the store I frequent a lot for my paper supplies, she's a single, dating kinda girl, cute/funny you know the tale. While she was helping me she said oh my gosh I forgot to tell you about this rad guy I met the other night at Trader Joes. She's talking about him blah, blah, blah we have plans to go out this weekend and says "yah, he kinda looks like a younger, skinnier version of PSH.
My face contorted into well...I don't know what and she said "What? Do you know him?" and I shaking my head in utter disbelief of the tale that was about to unfold in front of me, I said "Remember the ex-husband I told you about a few days ago over dinner? That's him"
Her: Shut the f*ck up, you are lying to me right now
Me: I am most certainly not
Her: What's his name?
Me: I give her his first name [which is really common]
Her: Ok what's his last name?
Me: I give her his last name [certifying that I am in fact telling the truth]
Her: Are you sure?
Me: What do you want me to describe him to you?
Her: No, I mean I'm just...I dunno that is really freaking me out
Me: Freaking you out? Dude...I need a shot of tequila right now and it's only 2pm
Me: I would highly advise RUNNING as far away from that as possible. [further tales are told]
Her: Are you kidding? I only heard that little bit and besides...he's your f*cking ex-husband
Me: Well I'm not sayin'...I'm just saying, I mean you can go out with him but I would highly advise not to.
Her: Not going to happen.
We proceeded to laugh and sort of stare at each other for the next 20 minutes in disbelief at what had just happened. Now she's planning her exit stragedy email. I suggested telling him that "a fluke set of circumstances has revealed that I am good friends with your ex-wife and that I'm no longer interested."
Because, he has two, mind you and then he'll have to inquire which one. Which is the best part, since in the email dialog he apparently insinuated he had never been married. I wish I could tell you all the other tales that go along with this sorted tale but alas, it would take 10 posts and well he doesn't warrant that much time and effort. But he does make for an excellent blog posting for this fine Friday now doesn't he?
I've decided that THIS is proof that God wants to remind me of how completely retarded I was in my 20's, and how far I've come.
Can I get an Amen on that?