Sunday, November 26, 2006

Being a Hysterical Girl--Not the Funny Hysterical Either

Last week lying in bed watching TV, I heard a sound. A sound similar to someone tripping over a cord. Now, I'm on the 3rd floor. There is 99.9% chance in hell that anyone can be up on my roof, next to my bedroom window. So I lay there and tell myself to calm down it's just a rat [those ARE on my roof]. I lay there for a few more minutes focusing on listening, not looking backwards of course. And then I hear it...a moan. Like someone is standing behind my window doing who-knows-what.

The fear starts to race through my brain and body at 500 mph. So once again I lay there shaking thinking I'm totally crazy it's probably part of a conversation from down below that I can hear. I lay still again listening for said conversation- no conversation. Total complete fear and panic sets in.

These are the thoughts that begin racing through my head:

1. I remember my land line doesn't work since the lovely Direct TV people came out to install.
2. My cell phone is downstairs.
3. I'm going to die
4. My roomie isn't home to hear me NOT scream...I'm in the state of being so scared no words will happen.
5. I'm not dressed.
6. Did I mention I'm going to die?

So I grab my clothes and run downstairs, grab my cell phone and stare at it. Do I call 911? I'm totally nuts-- there is no way someone is on my roof right? but what if there is? I can't go back up there to check. I stare at my phone some more. They are going to think I'm a total chick if I call and there's nothing there. Just then my girlfriend calls. I tell her the situation and she is yelling at me to call 911 and she's picking her husband up to come over. I hang up with her and dial 911.

I hear myself tell the dispatcher. "I'm sorry to bother you but I think someone is on my roof"--it's probably an animal but if you could send a patrol car over just to check I would greatly appreciate it. He's very kind...says he will...blah blah blah

So I go downstairs to wait for my friend and the police at the front door. She and her husband arrive with a sword...not joking here. I don't know what he thought he'd do with it but it's sweet he did. In the distance we hear a helicopter. We look at each other and say do you think that it's for this? Helicopter getting's now overhead with the lights on my roof circling once, twice, three times...and off it goes...The officers walk up the drive I tell them the situation they tell me the helicopter has infrared and has not detected anything but they can check the house out if I would like. Yes, please [under the bed would be a great place to start- I think to myself and don't forget all the closets!] My neighbors are all out side. The police pull there guns to enter. I continue to apoligize because I know there's nothing there --'I'm sure it's just an animal I'm just being a hysterical girl' They look at me like "lady, just shut up we get calls like this all night." ---Sorry!

what happened you ask?

Nothin'.. Nobody there, no sign of an animal, nothin'. I do appreciate the helicopter service and the two officers showing up though. It must have been a slow night for Long Beach's finest I didn't think they would respond in 5 minutes flat. I expected to wait 45 min for a car to show up.

I took a xanex so I could sleep [a couple of nights actually] because I still can't explain the moan and there just might be a boogie man under my bed.

a hysterical girl.

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