Tuesday, April 17, 2007

"The straight woman's sports page"

As noted philosopher Carrie Bradshaw once put it, the New York Times wedding announcements are "the straight woman's sports pages".

I'm not joking on this folks and neither is the New York Times...the folks that end up on the wedding page have PAPERS..usually from some Ivy League school. It's no wonder I'm not movin' and shakin' I'm not having cocktails with the right people - obviously.

A NYC gossip site called Gawker has created a rating system based on some points [I've listed below for you] each week they pick a winner based on these points [which surprisingly they all fall into - its generally a close race]

Gawker's Altarcations is all about scoring the game. Each week, we evaluate the latest newlyweds, based on an elaborate rating system, described below.

this weeks top two winners are:
Victoria Potterton, Austin Zalkin: 13 points

Both went to Dartmouth: +3
Victoria graduated magna cum laude: +2
Austin graduated cum laude: +1
Victoria is graduating from Yale with a combined medical and MBA degree: +4
Austin is "ideal" man-age: +1
He's an i-banker: +2

Anne Robinson, Kevin Moriarty: 12 points
Anne is keeping her name: -1
Both of them are high-powered lawyers: +5
Anne received her law degree from Harvard: +3
She was the EIC of the journal Law & Gender: +1
Kevin graduated from Princeton: +2
Kev has a law degree from NYU: +1
He was the EIC of the law school's newspaper: +1

more top finishers here

Gawker's patented rating system:

Investment banker: 2
Both Investment bankers: 5
Job involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +1
Both have jobs involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +3
Management Consultant: 1
Both management consultants: 3
Trader: 2
Both traders: 5
High-powered lawyer: 2
Both high-powered lawyers: 5
Works for Defense Department: +2
Doctor: +2
Both doctors: +5
Teacher at a New York City or Connecticut private school: 2
Parents from New York City or wealthy suburb in Connecticut: 1
New York Times employee: +1
State Department employee: +2
Bride is an elementary school teacher: +1
Works in media: +1
Ivy league graduate: +1 *
Both ivy league graduates: +3
Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, Sorbonne: +2*
Both Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, Sorbonne: +5*
For each subsequent degree after a B.A.: +1
Ivy league B.A. with graduate degree at low-ranking local
college/university: -1
If bride or groom attended/teach at any school with "Country Day" in
the name: +2
Coro fellow at NYU Law: +1
Has MFA in creative writing from University of Iowa: +1
Graduated Cum Laude: +1
Graduated Magna Cum Laude: +2
Graduated Summa Cum Laude: +3
Couple met online: -1
Couple met at art opening: 2
Couple met at art opening for husband's/wife's show: +3
Woman is at ideal age for getting married (25): 1
Man is at ideal age for getting married (27): 1
For each member of couple over 35: -1
Couple married by a Cantor: +1
Couple met during or before their freshman year in college: +2
Bride or groom goes by middle name: +1
Mother a nursery school/kindergarten teacher or reading
specialist/father is a wealthy professional= +3
If the groom is Jewish and the bride Asian: +2
If the groom is Asian and the bride is Jewish: -1
The bride/bridegroom's first marriage ended in divorce: -2
Descendant/related to somebody famous: +3
Descendant of a founding father: +4
Groom wearing gingham in picture: +1
Parent is a trustee or board member of a company or organization: +1
per company/org
Parent is a member of the Bermuda parliament: +2
Bride or Groom is a board member of a company or organization: +1 per
Bride "is keeping her name", "will continue to use her name professionally": -1
If there is a Jr., II, III or IV in a name: +2
If there is a "von" in a last name: +2
Bride or groom's first name is a made-up preppy name: +3
If someone famous comes to the wedding and is mentioned: +2
If wedding ceremony held at Bethesda by the Sea in Palm Beach, and/or
reception under a tent at the bride's grandmother's house in P.B: +2
Bride clearly quits her job after the wedding: +1
Married by an Episcopal priest: +1
Groom is 15-30 years older than bride: +3
Bride and groom both from New Jersey: -2
Partner in corporate law firm: +3
Bridge teaches elementary school, groom in finance: +2
Bride works for auction house, groom in finance: +2

1 comment:

** Terramia ** said...

This is ingenious, hilarious... thanks for the Friday giggle!